D Day

Well friends, as of this past Monday, I am no longer employed.  Last Friday was D(ismissal) Day, and as evidenced by my last post, there have been LOTS of feels going on.  

Long story short, and without going into too much detail, my company was acquired by a larger company and the corporate "assets" were not a part of the acquisition.  Assets-- that's what myself and the thirty other employees who were a part of the layoffs were called.  We've all had the feeling that something was up for quite awhile now, but we assumed that we would be grouped along with whatever changes may come-- nope.  So three weeks ago, management called the corporate office employees into a conference room full of tables littered with Kleenex boxes (let me just say, if you're ever suspicious that you may be laid off but aren't quite sure, you can consider entering a room full of Kleenex boxes a confirmation that something bad is definitely going down).  We all sat down, they broke the news and everyone promptly burst into tears.  Regardless of having a feeling you might lose your job, having the news actually broken to you SUCKS.  

And full disclosure, as worried as I was about my own situation, I couldn't help but be thankful for all of these random things: that I'm not pregnant, that I don't have children, that I'm not older, that we have our home, that my husband has a great job, that we weren't more aggressive in buying that second car to make our daily commutes easier, that I had the good sense to cut back on fun spending "just in case" the last month or so... Maybe I was trying to reassure myself that I was more okay?  So many of my coworkers and friends are in those positions-- moms with kids in daycare who were immediately concerned not about how their life would be affected but how their kids lives would be disrupted if they can't keep them in their schools; people who have worked there for 10+ years and haven't interviewed in forever and would possibly be considered on the older end of applicants, competing against newer (lower salaried) applicants for jobs; a friend who had put in an offer on her family's first home the day before.  Everyone cried some more and then everyone got really angry, and we all left the office for the day (management told us if we needed to take the day, that was understandable and so yes, we took the day).

Fifteen of us girls made our way to a local restaurant, set up shop at the bar, and ate nachos and potato skins and drank the afternoon away.  Seriously, we were there for five hours, and long after we'd stopped drinking (we did have to get home someway after all), we all just wanted to sit together and be close.  The hardest part of all of this was that I would be losing so many friends.  Yes, we live nearby each other for the most part, but we wouldn't be seeing each other every day, getting coffee together, ordering Thai on Fridays and gathering in a conference room for hours of calls that we had to sit in on.  And everyone knows how hard it is to stay in touch with so many people once your lives go a different way and the place that you met has become the dividing factor.  That day it just felt good to be together-- we cried and laughed and got ragey and told stories that were then considered fair game since we'd all just been laid off.  And I think that we all knew that once we left and went home, what had just happened would be real... and that was scary.

I did go home and Brian ordered pizza and I cried tears into my beer... and wine... and vodka, all through the weekend.  And let it be known that I was rocking the 21 Day Fix until that Friday-- I'd lost 7 pounds, and I fully intend to give it another go once things are back on track.  So I moped and gave myself the weekend to morning/day/night drink and feel really low and bad about myself and the entire situation, but then I started to see the light at the end of this really shitty tunnel.  

I've known for a long time that there was nowhere for me to go at my job-- to move up a step would be completely changing my career path into a division that I've never had any interest in.  But the commute was convenient and I loved my work family, so I let myself get complacent.  In the back of my mind, I always knew that I was going to be 30 in December and that if I was ever going to make a change, I needed to do so pronto, but I didn't know what I really wanted to do.  I'm very much a control freak and as much as I hated being forced to leave this job, since it wasn't on my own terms, I considered the nudge/push/kick out the door a blessing in disguise.  It's led me to applying to every job that I see that sounds fun-- imagine that?  I'm obviously still seeking out jobs that are aligned with for my background experience, but if I see read the description of a job that makes me think "I would love to do that every day!" I'm applying.  I'm letting myself be a little bit picky.  We received a severance package and I just went through the experience of applying for unemployment so I keep reminding myself that everything is going to be okay.  It may not happen immediately, but I'm doing everything that I can and am making the most of this time off.

Being home all day, every day the last three days has been... interesting.  I'm giving myself a project every day so that I don't lose my mind, and that's helping.  Molly is certainly happy to have me home, although I think she's kind of wondering why I'm here disrupting her routine.  The house has never been cleaner, the laundry is all folded and put away, I'm sitting outside and reading for an hour every day while Molly plays, and dinner is ready when Brian walks in the door after work.  I do love playing the housewife, but I also need to get out-- we have a little lunch planned today for our friends from the group of Phase 1 layoffs (including myself) and a few of the girls who are still working and waiting for their day (next Friday).  I then plan to head to the DMV to get my license changed to my married name, and then Brian and I are going to Home Depot to pick up tons of stuff to work in our yard this weekend.

Everything is going to be okay-- it may be crazy, it may be unexpected, it may be a little scary, but it's going to be okay.

And thank you to my amazing husband, family, friends, and blog world lovelies who have been so supportive throughout all of this-- y'all are without a doubt my rocks.