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Tuesday, May 17
I am completely and utterly surprised and shocked right now. I'M PREGNANT. Holy. Moly. I have no idea how I'm going to hide this at work because I CANNOT STOP SMILING. There is also a huge amount of "Holy shit - I'm pregnant?!?" because THAT'S a game-changer.
This is honestly the last thing that I expected to happen this cycle. We decided in January that we would start trying, so I took my last BC pill and let February be the first off-BC month. All was normal and fine for February, March and April, but no positive test. There were big family events in late April/early May that I was really hoping I might have good news for but I took two tests the week of April 25 and they were both negative, so I gave myself the OK to have fun with Brian's sister and her family in Baltimore the weekend of the 30th. I had a really light cycle while we were there and figured that was my confirmation that it didn't happen that month, and all was good.
Funny story: I talked to my sister-in-law about the whole process while we were in Baltimore and how I was spending way too much on the fancy pregnancy tests, and she told me that with all three of her kiddos, she tested with Dollar Store tests. So where did we head to next? You got it! I checked out with 11 pregnancy tests and 3 ovulation predictor tests, and the woman that scanned my stuff couldn't stop laughing - "You want to make EXTRA sure, don't you honey?" Little did I know...
So that brings me to yesterday. Brian and I decided a few months ago that we would try an ovulation predictor kit if I went a few months without getting pregnant, just to make sure my dates were on the right track. I picked a nicer one up on Saturday morning (the Clearblue Digital version), and when I tested that afternoon, I immediately got a positive/smiley face. Totally confusing yet exciting, because according to my Ovia app, I was still at least 5-6 days away from "prime time" of the month. I took another test on Sunday afternoon - again, smiley positive. I also used one of the Dollar Store predictor kits, and it was positive. Again, I was excited but cautious because my dates were so weird. I took another ovulation test yesterday morning, and I made the mistake of Googling "multiple day OPK positive test" - BIG MISTAKE. There are a million things that Google tells you can be wrong with you if you're getting multiple positives. The last that I read, and the one that I least considered, was that you could be pregnant. Totally wrote that possibility off and assumed the worst (of course), and told myself if I got another positive this morning, I would call my doctor for her input.
This morning I wake up and use one of my Clearblue strip ovulation tests and also, just for kicks, use one of my Dollar Store pregnancy tests. Smiley positive again on the ovulation predictor, and TWO PINK LINES on the Dollar Store test. Um, what the what? I'm fairly positive I said "You have to be kidding." I had a package of First Response pregnancy tests stored away (my double-check in case one of the Dollar Store tests came back positive), drank a huge glass of water, and prayed that things would start working while I took a shower and got ready. Thankfully, I desperately had to pee again before we left for work, so I took the First Response test and... two dark pink lines immediately popped up.
Cue the biggest, happiest feeling... but also still cautious. I couldn't shake the weirdness of the dates and that maybe this could be a false positive if my body was out of whack, so I planned to call my doctor's office at 8am, explain the past few days, and see what they suggested. Also, at this point, Brian knows nothing. I wanted to check with my doctor before telling him anything, just to give me peace of mind. My doctor's office is amazing (and can I just say that I've been dreaming of the day when I got to call them to say "I think that I might be pregnant!" because that was just... the best best best feeling) and told me to come right in and they'd do a blood test at 8:30am - perfection!
Because I'm a crazy person, I stopped at Walgreens on my way and picked up the infamous Clearblue Digital tests, then drove to my doctor. I stopped into the restroom (seriously couldn't help myself) and took the test. Not only did "Pregnant" pop up within 30 seconds of me starting the 3 minute countdown, but "2-3" did as well. Holy. Moly.
Taken in the bathroom at my doctor's office, before my blood test to confirm yes or no. This was the third test - still couldn't believe it but if you can't tell from the smile, I was feeling pretty excited at this point!
I was in and out for the blood draw and they said it would be a couple of hours before they got the results back, but that they would call me. And then I got to come and sit at my desk all day WAITING and feeling excited and scared and overwhelmed and overjoyed and so wanting to share that all with Brian. I also had to reign in the giddiness so my coworkers weren't suspicious! Around 9:45am my phone rang and I bolted into the hallway to take it. It was the sweetest nurse from my doctor's office, calling to congratulate me! Apparently my numbers were pretty significantly high, but they're letting me come in again on Thursday for another blood draw to make sure my numbers are doubling as they should be but I mean... this is for real. This is happening. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!
I'm literally counting down the minutes until 5pm so I can pick Brian up from the train, and surprise him with the news. I've had a sweet little plan up my sleeve for the last several months, just waiting to have good news to share, and that day is here!
I'm also a little bit freaked out, and a part of me can't completely believe that I'm pregnant. As much as I wanted to be pregnant, I'm shocked that it happened so quickly. I think I'd mentally prepared myself for it to take a little while. Even saying the words freaks me out a little bit... but in a good "THINGS ARE CHANGING!" kind of way.
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So, that's our story! However, the few days after we found out were... stressful.
Everything looked great on the 17th when I had my blood drawn, and they had me come back on Thursday, two days later, for another blood draw to make sure my numbers were doubling. I got a call that afternoon that the numbers had definitely increased but didn't double, s0 they wanted to get me in for an ultrasound that day. Honest to God, it was the longest day of my life waiting for that 3pm appointment. At this point, I wasn't letting my thoughts go anywhere close to actually carrying a healthy baby in case things didn't end up going well at the ultrasound.
When I got to the doctor's office, they took me right back and after asking questions that completely terrified me, started the internal exam. I had no idea what to expect, but when I saw the sac appear on the screen, even the sonographer looked like she relaxed. She found the heartbeat and measured it - it was around 90bpm, which she said was just fine for how far along I was (right at 5 1/2 weeks) and that the heart is just developing at that point. A doctor came in to talk to me as well, and basically said the same thing - the ultrasound looked good, the heartbeat is good, but they wanted to see me in a week for a repeat ultrasound to make sure the pregnancy was progressing.
Cue the longest 7 days of my life. Only Brian and I knew about the pregnancy (I was terrified to tell anyone, just in case) so that was stressful for both of us. I was feeling sick and beyond exhausted but had to truck along and act like all was well around our family and friends, and we were both tipetoeing around being cautiously excited but also prepared.
I went back to the doctor on Thursday, May 26 for a blood draw to see if my numbers had increased to where they should be 7 days later. Again, they had increased but not to the full number, and my ultrasound wasn't scheduled until the next day. I got the call about my numbers while I was in line at Chipotle, and drove back to my office and had a mini-breakdown with one of my amazing coworkers. I told her everything that was going on, and she cried with me out of excitement that I'm pregnant and prayed with me that the next day would go well. I told my manager as well - she's a mom and at this point I was looking at going to my fourth doctor's appointment in a week the following day, and wanted her to be in the loop. She was also amazing (I'm so lucky to have these supportive, understanding people in my life every day) and told me to do whatever I need to do.
The next day, Friday, May 27, I went in for my ultrasound at 2pm. Again, longest day of my life. I don't think I accomplished anything at work that morning - my mind was a million miles away. My appointment was with the same sonographer and she was super tense again, which stressed me out. But she started the exam and immediately noted that the sac had definitely grown in the last week, took the measurements, then measured the heartbeat, which had also increased in strength. She visibly relaxed, printed a couple of photos for me to take home, and said that the doctor would be in to chat as well. He came in, took a look at the screen, listened to the heartbeat, and congratulated me on a healthy baby, and to keep doing what I'm doing.
It was the best thing anyone could have said to me. We told my parents that night, and Brian's parents the following weekend (they'd been out of town and we wanted to tell them in person). Slowly but surely, I started to realize that every ache and pain wasn't a bad sign, and to STOP WORRYING. Even now, that's hard for me to tell myself (over anxious worrier by nature over here), but I'm just so thankful for every day that I wake up and have this little one growing away.
If you read this far, you deserve an award! I know the pregnancy/baby stuff isn't for everyone, but keeping a record of it on the blog has been helpful for me, and has honestly sparked my interest in trying to get back into blogging in general. We'll see how that goes!
Happy Thursday, friends!!
BEYOND precious and I'm so happy for
ReplyDeleteYou. I've got tears in my eyes!! I don't miss those anxious feelings before doctors appointments, but it sounds like you have an AMAZING doctor and staff - and that is going to help so much. Congrats to you and your hubby!! Can't wait to follow along