The Jiggle and I... we battle.

I have been a lyin' fool recently.

Now take a breath-- I have been 100% truthful to my family, The Boy, my friends, etc... they're all covered, so don't assume I have some terrible, deep, dark secrets going on over here. The best way to challenge something is to face it though, and so I am here in all honesty to bring myself back to reality.

Despite my food-conscience, I have been under the impression for the last, ohh... 5 months, that calories are EMPTY! Empty, I tell you! That cookie you're gazing at? It's free! A small french fry order from McD's? Psh, they'll burn off just walking into your building. Half a bottle of wine on a casual Saturday night? Like water, baby.

As much as I would appreciate these lies in fact being true... they're not. I've been really, really struggling with getting back on track, not with a diet or an eating plan, but just at making healthy, conscious food and exercise decisions. I don't know about you, but I'm always super motivated when I try something new, which for me was re-starting Weight Watchers in January of 2010. Not a bite or sip entered my mouth that wasn't pointed/weighed/measured/scrutinized until I basically lost my joy and excitement in food and eating in general. I did indeed lose 40 pounds in the process, and I FOR SURE gained a better perspective on healthy eating and choices. Exercise also became extremely important to me as I fell in love with running and really saw the physical results from my hard work, which was SO rewarding.

However, once the holidays hit, although I stayed focused and maintained my weight, my weight LOSS plateaued. I'd go up then plummet down, then stay the same, then go down, then go WAAAY back up... and it was torture. Truth be told (my theme for the day apparently), I haven't followed WW since right before Christmas. Sporadic tracking does not a good Weight Watcher make, and the results of sporadic tracking have become painfully obvious to me.

Recipes became more careless, with things like enchiladas and the Pioneer Woman's Macaroni and Cheese sprinkled in for Sunday dinners, then I wouldn't have snacks planned for the evenings so I'd come home and rummage/dive-in to anything crunchy/salty. What's hard to admit is that I was AWARE of this the entire time I was doing it.

"Mm, pretzels... Hm. Are they stale? Perhaps I'll sample just a few more to find out..."
"I don't NEED a piece of toast but I spent $5 on this Ezekiel bread and will be darned if it's gonna go to waste..."
"Afternoon cocktails are not a wise choice, no... but yes please, I'll have another."

It was as if I'd stepped over to the dark side of fun eating and cooking and although my devilish bad angel food conscience was saying "Don't go to the light, Katie! It's so fab over here!" the annoying/pesky/intelligent good angel food conscience was saying "It may be nice in the dark, but wait til you step back into the light and see what that blind-eating turned you into." What woke me up was a) this realization, and b) the fact that eating "on the darkside" is what got me to the point of joining WW in the first place.

And so, my friends, I'm back with renewed determination. While I joined the "I Jiggle, But Not As Much As I Used To" Weight Loss Challenge with the best of intentions, I had a big ole list of weekly challenges for myself, including shredding every single day and making it to the gym at 5:30 every single day.

FAIL.

With my renewed determination, I'm also renewing my goals... because it's my blog and I do what I want.

*Track Les Points
I vow to track my WW Points until I regain control over my daily eating habits. I don't want to follow WW forever, but I know that I personally need the kind of guidance that the program gives in order to be successful at making the best choices for myself. Even if it's a day where I lost it and went outta control and ate six cookies and had a BLT for dinner (*coughyesterdaycough*), I will write it allllll down. Just because it's not written on the paper doesn't mean the devouring didn't occur (this was my BIG mantra when I started. If you know me and hear me chanting "Must write food down," don't be alarmed). On the bright side, I have three days of perfect tracking under my belt-- whoop to that one!

*Burn Les Calories
I vow to get my butt back to the gym. As much as I enjoy exercising at this point in my life, I've gotten LAZY. I shall not sugarcoat things. When you opt to skip the gym in order to go home, take a shower, cook dinner, and proceed to lie in bed while watching Bethenny Ever After all night... it is time for a reality check. Those buns of steel will not mold themselves! The Carrie legs do not just appear! The Jillian abs... well, they're non-human, but I'd settle for anything close to flat and firm.

I'm starting to run again, and as agonizing as it currently is, nothing beats the way I feel after a great run. My first 5k of the summer is Memorial Day weekend, and it's the same race that I ran last summer WHICH WAS MY FIRST 5K EV-ER! I'm excited and am aiming to beat my time from last summer, which was 29:17. My mornings are about to become all about the 5am runs again, and for the first time in a loooong time... I'm looking forward to it.

Due to an upcoming wedding/summer/bathing suit season/cute sleeveless tops, I am also making weight training a priority again. Boyfriend found me Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30, so while I'll likely be unable to walk properly or raise my arms above my head for the next month, my arms and legs shall be more toned... I hope. While I cannot vow to Shred everyday for the rest of my life, I can commit to 30 days. I've said this before but I'm repeating it now (I did just type "re-saying"... just sayin'): I'll be taking pictures each week and am having Brian take my measurements, so we shall see what kind of results I have with this mixed in with all of the running!
SIDE-QUESTION: Anyone have any encouraging news or reviews about this little nugget of joy? Is JM any less awkward in this video than she is in The Shred? Will my hard work pay off in one month for some sort of results?

*Enjoy the Good Stuff
I vow to balance the indulgences with my everyday good choices. I will no longer agonize over wanting something but not allowing myself to eat it, nor will I throw all resistance to the wind and dive into bags of tortilla chips (my salt-a-holic weakness) or gnosh through the eats of a dark chocolate bunny. Self-control is necessary when trying to lose weight. This is something I have to face, rather than getting straight-up pissed when I tell myself I really don't need that Oreo or that chicken nugget or a starch to go with my dinner.

Mantra #2: Want, don't need.

Again, do not be afraid if you come across me mid-chant while rocking in front of the leftover Wednesday cookies.

Or curled up in front of the stove, insisting that you cannot have tacos for Cinco de Mayo without beans AND RICE (heads up to boyfriend).

*Keep My Eyes on the Prize
The prizes come in the form of cute things boyfriend has promised to buy me, not only when I reach pre-set goals, but when I maintain them for AT LEAST TWO WEEKS. He's a sneaky son-of-a-gun, I tell you what.

My biggest prize?

Surprisingly, I just decided I in fact do NOT want that snack bag of reduced fat Cheez-its in the desk behind me. My motivation is working like a charm!

You will know when I've succeeded in reaching my goal weight and body fabulousness because pictures of me wearing this suit will be plastered all over my blog. I shall never achieve this tan, or, let's be real with each other, this body, but I can sure as heck work my butt off to achieve the body that's most perfect for myself!

That's it for now. I'm not getting on the scale until Saturday morning (i.e. boyfriend hid it from me, per my instruction, after an unnecessary freak out this morning after getting on the scale... after a salt-ridden dinner last night), so I'll check-in next week with my numbers.

'Til later, my lovelies!!